American Picker Philosophy

For a while now, I've been in a bit of a funk.  While I enjoy going to movies, concerts, my kid's homes, etc., it's been a bit weird, like I have a "take it or leave it" attitude.  I find myself chained to a chair or sofa in my living room after work, then on the weekends, etc.  I'm not a shut-in, and my wife and I have gone and done some fun things, but I've become kind of a couch-potato over the last year and a half.  Define couch potato, you say?

I took a promotion at work about then.  It has been more stressful and less rewarding than the previous job, and it seems like sometimes it doesn't matter what I plan or try to do to make things better, we just stay the same, and the same isn't working particularly well.  Maybe that's why.

I went on prescribed anti-anxiety medication for a time in late 2010 and early 2011.  The first script made me high, which some people might enjoy, but for me it was like hovering above myself and watching what was going on.  Great at a frat party perhaps, but not so much for me.

The second script kept me at a level status, I didn't get too happy or angry, I didin't lose myself in hysterical laughter nor try to punch through any walls.  It seemed, however, like I was a spectator to the world, like I really wasn't involved.  It was that time I started coming home from work and just kind of "vegging out".  I think I got stuck in that veg mode somehow.  Hard to get out.  I quit the pills, didn't want to lose myself in a chemical fog.  Seemed like so much fun in Reefer Madness.

Now, I'm a Christian, I trust in the Lord, I look for His healing, help, support, but I'm human, and sometimes I don't listen.  It seems sometimes like some of the joy was taken out of my life and I'm not sure how to get it back. Don't let Christian folk get in your head with "you just don't have enough faith, pray your way out of it", etc.  It's just not that simple sometimes.

My father's side of the family has dealt with clinical depression.  Many of the relatives have struggled.  I call it the Fox Crazies, I've tried to warn my nephew and my kids.  I think sometimes, though, we try to blame conditions, illnesses and symptoms for our shortcomings or problems, when maybe it's just us trying to duck out of reality.

I can be a reality ducker sometimes, all without the use of drugs or alcohol. I do tend to use food as a crutch, though, and apparently TV.  But I do know that drugs to "level you out" leave out some of the great spark, creativity and drive that can be a blessing and a curse.  I can get soooo happy and I can get sooo down.

Being an adult and realizing these things, I don't even consider "ending it all" or anything way overboard.  I do, however, struggle sometimes.  I have the love of a wonderful wife, two great kids, my in-laws are great, we're all working...you really have to look at the blessings you have, I know I have to remind myself to look. 

There is never any time that everything sucks, at least for me, and I'm sure for others that struggle with their own funks.  I think of my kids, my wife, the fact that we have jobs, educations, live in decent areas and the fact we have so much to be thankful for (for which to be thankful I suppose for you English majors: oh, yes, I have dangled a participle in my time).  And, yeah, I could'a been someone, I could'a been a contender; thanks, Marlon, but other than not having my name in lights, things are okay.  Sometimes its so easy to look back and be disappointed about time I've wasted and things I should have done, I forget to look at what I have done...

So do I have great wisdom to share?  I think I do.  I was watching American Pickers while recovering from some minor knee surgery.  I saw many, many people who had collected so much stuff over time.  They had property with multiple buildings on them full of stuff, some well-organized, some not so much.  All of the folks seemed happy.  All had followed a path they enjoyed for many years and allowed them to retire to a quiet life of collecting (hoarding) and just getting along. Be a picker

Here it is: No matter what your age, do something you WANT to do for a vocation make it your avocation.  You might have to do it in conjunction with your current job, but start it.  Do you want to paint, write, make music, dance, be a politician or preacher?  Take one small step every day in that direction, don't miss a day, and work toward that goal.   I believe it is an old Chinese proverb "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step".

Great advice.  I would also suggest checking in with the Lord for direction and guidance.   See, I believe you can pray your way out of it and God does give us enough faith to start with.  God, however, will need YOU (ME) to actually DO something in conjunction with Him answering our prayers.  We can't sit on the couch waiting for a call. 

So, here's to taking a step today, even right now after you read this.  Here's to growing in faith, or finding it in the first place.  Here's to less drugs and more effort.  And may God Bless us, everyone.