American Picker Philosophy

For a while now, I've been in a bit of a funk.  While I enjoy going to movies, concerts, my kid's homes, etc., it's been a bit weird, like I have a "take it or leave it" attitude.  I find myself chained to a chair or sofa in my living room after work, then on the weekends, etc.  I'm not a shut-in, and my wife and I have gone and done some fun things, but I've become kind of a couch-potato over the last year and a half.  Define couch potato, you say?

I took a promotion at work about then.  It has been more stressful and less rewarding than the previous job, and it seems like sometimes it doesn't matter what I plan or try to do to make things better, we just stay the same, and the same isn't working particularly well.  Maybe that's why.

I went on prescribed anti-anxiety medication for a time in late 2010 and early 2011.  The first script made me high, which some people might enjoy, but for me it was like hovering above myself and watching what was going on.  Great at a frat party perhaps, but not so much for me.

The second script kept me at a level status, I didn't get too happy or angry, I didin't lose myself in hysterical laughter nor try to punch through any walls.  It seemed, however, like I was a spectator to the world, like I really wasn't involved.  It was that time I started coming home from work and just kind of "vegging out".  I think I got stuck in that veg mode somehow.  Hard to get out.  I quit the pills, didn't want to lose myself in a chemical fog.  Seemed like so much fun in Reefer Madness.

Now, I'm a Christian, I trust in the Lord, I look for His healing, help, support, but I'm human, and sometimes I don't listen.  It seems sometimes like some of the joy was taken out of my life and I'm not sure how to get it back. Don't let Christian folk get in your head with "you just don't have enough faith, pray your way out of it", etc.  It's just not that simple sometimes.

My father's side of the family has dealt with clinical depression.  Many of the relatives have struggled.  I call it the Fox Crazies, I've tried to warn my nephew and my kids.  I think sometimes, though, we try to blame conditions, illnesses and symptoms for our shortcomings or problems, when maybe it's just us trying to duck out of reality.

I can be a reality ducker sometimes, all without the use of drugs or alcohol. I do tend to use food as a crutch, though, and apparently TV.  But I do know that drugs to "level you out" leave out some of the great spark, creativity and drive that can be a blessing and a curse.  I can get soooo happy and I can get sooo down.

Being an adult and realizing these things, I don't even consider "ending it all" or anything way overboard.  I do, however, struggle sometimes.  I have the love of a wonderful wife, two great kids, my in-laws are great, we're all working...you really have to look at the blessings you have, I know I have to remind myself to look. 

There is never any time that everything sucks, at least for me, and I'm sure for others that struggle with their own funks.  I think of my kids, my wife, the fact that we have jobs, educations, live in decent areas and the fact we have so much to be thankful for (for which to be thankful I suppose for you English majors: oh, yes, I have dangled a participle in my time).  And, yeah, I could'a been someone, I could'a been a contender; thanks, Marlon, but other than not having my name in lights, things are okay.  Sometimes its so easy to look back and be disappointed about time I've wasted and things I should have done, I forget to look at what I have done...

So do I have great wisdom to share?  I think I do.  I was watching American Pickers while recovering from some minor knee surgery.  I saw many, many people who had collected so much stuff over time.  They had property with multiple buildings on them full of stuff, some well-organized, some not so much.  All of the folks seemed happy.  All had followed a path they enjoyed for many years and allowed them to retire to a quiet life of collecting (hoarding) and just getting along. Be a picker

Here it is: No matter what your age, do something you WANT to do for a vocation make it your avocation.  You might have to do it in conjunction with your current job, but start it.  Do you want to paint, write, make music, dance, be a politician or preacher?  Take one small step every day in that direction, don't miss a day, and work toward that goal.   I believe it is an old Chinese proverb "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step".

Great advice.  I would also suggest checking in with the Lord for direction and guidance.   See, I believe you can pray your way out of it and God does give us enough faith to start with.  God, however, will need YOU (ME) to actually DO something in conjunction with Him answering our prayers.  We can't sit on the couch waiting for a call. 

So, here's to taking a step today, even right now after you read this.  Here's to growing in faith, or finding it in the first place.  Here's to less drugs and more effort.  And may God Bless us, everyone.

I am Judas

Being Palm Sunday, pretty much every Christian church Gospel readings and sermons will be about Christ's entry into Jerusalem.  He was going to celebrate the Passover, knowing all the time he was heading for crucifiction, death, and more....but that's next week.

I started thinking about Judas.  This was the disciple who ended up "selling out" Jesus to the authorities for 30 pieces of silver (that's where the term "blood money" comes  from by the way).  Judas would leave the Passover meal early to find the religious elite and take them to where Jesus went after dinner, the garden of Gethsemane.

Judas told those who would arrest Jesus, "the man I kiss on the cheek is Jesus".  Well, the rest of this story is for Easter weekend.  We'll focus on Judas now.

Judas had some issues from the beginning.  He was the one who held the disciple's money bag, for offerings they received to help the poor.  Only sometimes Judas would help himself to some cash.  I guess he figured he "deserved" a little bit.  Sometimes I feel I "deserve" an early departure from work, or a longer lunch, I work hard....

Judas really got cheesed when a woman of low status (we might say not only had she been around the block a few times but that the street might have been named after her) took some very expensive perfume, probably her only possession of worth, and poured it on Jesus' hair.  Judas thought it was a waste, "that perfume was worth a year's salary, it could have been sold and used for the poor".  Judas probably was thinking how much he would have made on the deal.  I get jealous sometimes when I think someone got a better deal than me, even when I think I "deserved" more.

See, Judas followed Jesus because he heard Jesus was "King of the Jews".  He thought Jesus came as a warrior king, to kick the Romans out of Israel and become the reigning monarch of the nation.  Judas did not so much have a taste for war but for the spoils of war.  He thought of living in palaces with the new king, sharing riches of the kingdom, being a "big shot".  When Jesus came as a humble servant, preaching peace, speaking about being a humble servant, and turning the other cheek when someone insults you, Judas became disillusioned.  He figured he could make some money selling out this Jesus.  I've taken jobs for the promises of extra money, status, etc. even when the job I had treated me well and paid me fairly; and I certainly remember that when you just "go for the money" you end up working with people who don't necessarily care for you, but ONLY what you produce.  And it's an empty feeling.

Judas never really believed that Jesus was who He said He is, "I and the Father are One".  Judas was looking for fame and fortune, the spoils of war, riches of a king, status of the "upper crust".  It was only after betraying Jesus did Judas go back to the religious leaders, throwing their money back at them.  With the money, a field was purchased to bury poor people, since those pious religious people couldn't hold on to this blood money.  Judas, who would hang himself in guilt, would end up in that field.  Sometimes I wish I could take back things I've said or done that have negatively affected others.  But what is done is done.

I look at myself, a proclaimed Christian.  I think of how I dreamed of winning the most recent $640 million jackpot to live in a bigger better home with a bigger better car and not have to work anymore.  I remember the times I have done EXACTLY the opposite of what Jesus would do, either because I didn't want to miss out on some fun, or miss out on an event, or miss out on making fun or sport of someone.  I think of the times when I want so much to live in a "mansion" or in some tropical paradise, or be some famous writer or speaker or something.  Then I think of how little that matters. 

The real payoff is after this life is over.  Eternity is a long time.  This life is fairly short.  If I can only take hold of that hope of eternity in a place where there is no sorrow, no pain, no disappointment.  A place where there is no racisim, no sexisim, no pressure to keep up with the Jones' and no dog-eat-dog mentality.  Just peace, joy, love in the presence of the Lord whose only desire is that you trust in Him and trust Him at his Word.

Judas never got it, until it was probably too late for him.  I sometimes am Judas, when I put my selfish desires above those of the Father, and above those around me who deserve something better than a selfish father, friend, co-worker or boss. 

When life seems like it's tough to take, maybe it's because I'm trying to go my own way, instead of the way of the Father.  And I know His way is great; I know when I do follow His ways my life is much more complete and peaceful; even when trouble or sorrow or pain come my way, He makes it easier, because He is always with me.  My journey from here on out?  To follow Christ even to the cross, because eternity with Him trumps anything this world has to offer.