Father's Day Regards

Father's day got confusing once I got married. I had my birth father who had divorced my mom, remarried and lived about 3 hours away in Indiana. I had my step-father, who dealt with me through my teen years and young adulthood, and I now had a Father-In-Law. My wife's dad was an old-fashioned old school guy who loved his family, his God and his country. He worked hard, didn't ask for any slack, and didn't like to give any. I loved the guy. My step-dad, Harold, was a great friend and father figure, though he never had any children of his own. He was the Best Man at my wedding.

My dad did everything he knew how while he was with us. The fact that he left for a single thrice-married divorcee and a penchant for drinking, smoking, partying and sex only slightly marred his legacy in my book. Let's face it, he was getting older, my mom was not appealing to him anymore, and he went for the gusto. Don't take the last statement as me venting about a childhood I missed or something. I had great times with my dad. We'd fish, he played in the father-son little league game even though he was as old as some of the kids grandfathers; we had fun and I know he loved me. I just want to be honest with you.

Well, in the vernacular of the times, "Who's my daddy?" Well, it was a card to my dad in Indiana, a call and a card to father-in-law, and a card and dinner or visit and present of some sort to Harold. My dad died in 1986, about 7 years after I got married. Harold and my Father-in-law John died in the same year, about 6 weeks apart about 6 years ago. It's tough to go from 3 dads to zero. Coming from a "broken home" both my step-father and father-in-law were key men in my going from childhood to adult. John's commitment to family and Harold's desire to do what was right were just what the doctor ordered for this guy.

Anyway, from 2001-2006 I worked with inner-city kids with my church. It was a bus ministry where we picked up kids and took them to church, introduced them to Jesus, provided love, fun and snacks. Some of the best times I had was when I'd visit the families during the week. I got to play with the kids, encourage them with schoolwork, and allow us to get to know each other. Sometimes I'd go out and get groceries when the cupboards were bare; sometimes I helped with homework, sometimes paying off an overdue electric bill to turn on heat and lights; sometimes it was just to love the kids.

One Father's Day back in 2001 we went out on our bus route to go get the kids for church. I had visited everyone the day before and reminded them what time to be ready, etc. This particular route, my route, would have anywhere from 20 to 50 kids, aged 4-17 on any given Sunday.

Well, we took our bus on Sunday and went to get the kids. House after house, either the kids were gone, or waiting to be picked up by family. All the kids that day were going to see their dads. You see, in my bus route of about 20 homes there was not one single father in the household. At least one of the dads was in jail for murdering a family member, in an argument over the wife. One of the dads was in jail for drug trafficking; a multiple time offender headed up for many years. The other men who I call "sperm donors" are the type of guy that waltz's in to a woman's life, has some kids, then finds another woman along the way. But, even a runaway dad would "demand" to see his kids on Father's Day.

Well, we brought back an empty bus that day, and I took the opportunity to go see Harold with my wife and kids and we had a dandy day. I visited the kids during the week to see how their day with dad was. I found out moms liked it the most; it was a big party day for the moms with the kids gone all day. I found that for a least two of my little girls, who I saw Sunday morning in beautiful matching dresses, new shoes, fresh hairdos, etc., waited all day for a dad who didn't show. Nice work, dad.

Most of the kids told of dads who pretty much just had them with him for the day, to take them back in the evening. But these kids were excited for the chance to see their dads. I didn't think the dads deserved this kind of devotion from these wonderful children. Then of course it dawned on me how much I missed my dad when he left, and how glad I was to see him. And it made me cry for these lovely little kids. They want so little from their dads, and receive even less.

Here's to the dads who stay. Here's to the dads who respect and love their wives, here's to the single dads, and the divorced dads who continue to be active parents to their children. Thanks, guys. In this world where the status of men as head of the household seems to decline daily, where clumsy Tim the Tool Man Taylor and Bumbling Mr. Berenstain (sp?)of the bear family along with all the single mom TV shows ( I love you Reba, but...) downplay a man's role in the household, you guys are standing up and standing tall. (Tough sentence above....read it slowly)

See, our sons need us to teach them how to be men, including how to respect women. Our daughters need us to learn how to respect themselves for who they are and to look out for the boys who are bad news. My sister has struggled at times in life due to a strained relationship with our dad; including, I believe, helping cause her divorce. Her son has struggled at times due to a similar strained relationship with his dad.

I am proud to be blessed with a wife of almost 31 years, and two (adult) children who have both graduated from Michigan State (Go Green!), she with a Master's Degree in Civil Engineering, he with a Bachelor's Degree and headed for law school. I'm not the smartest, most successful, richest, best-looking guy in the world. I'm a dad who loves and respects his wife, and has made family the single most important part of life after faith. And if you don't think the Lord has made a positive impact in our household, you're fooling yourself.

Moms, we love you, too.

See you next time...Happy Father's Day.