Father's Day Regards

Father's day got confusing once I got married. I had my birth father who had divorced my mom, remarried and lived about 3 hours away in Indiana. I had my step-father, who dealt with me through my teen years and young adulthood, and I now had a Father-In-Law. My wife's dad was an old-fashioned old school guy who loved his family, his God and his country. He worked hard, didn't ask for any slack, and didn't like to give any. I loved the guy. My step-dad, Harold, was a great friend and father figure, though he never had any children of his own. He was the Best Man at my wedding.

My dad did everything he knew how while he was with us. The fact that he left for a single thrice-married divorcee and a penchant for drinking, smoking, partying and sex only slightly marred his legacy in my book. Let's face it, he was getting older, my mom was not appealing to him anymore, and he went for the gusto. Don't take the last statement as me venting about a childhood I missed or something. I had great times with my dad. We'd fish, he played in the father-son little league game even though he was as old as some of the kids grandfathers; we had fun and I know he loved me. I just want to be honest with you.

Well, in the vernacular of the times, "Who's my daddy?" Well, it was a card to my dad in Indiana, a call and a card to father-in-law, and a card and dinner or visit and present of some sort to Harold. My dad died in 1986, about 7 years after I got married. Harold and my Father-in-law John died in the same year, about 6 weeks apart about 6 years ago. It's tough to go from 3 dads to zero. Coming from a "broken home" both my step-father and father-in-law were key men in my going from childhood to adult. John's commitment to family and Harold's desire to do what was right were just what the doctor ordered for this guy.

Anyway, from 2001-2006 I worked with inner-city kids with my church. It was a bus ministry where we picked up kids and took them to church, introduced them to Jesus, provided love, fun and snacks. Some of the best times I had was when I'd visit the families during the week. I got to play with the kids, encourage them with schoolwork, and allow us to get to know each other. Sometimes I'd go out and get groceries when the cupboards were bare; sometimes I helped with homework, sometimes paying off an overdue electric bill to turn on heat and lights; sometimes it was just to love the kids.

One Father's Day back in 2001 we went out on our bus route to go get the kids for church. I had visited everyone the day before and reminded them what time to be ready, etc. This particular route, my route, would have anywhere from 20 to 50 kids, aged 4-17 on any given Sunday.

Well, we took our bus on Sunday and went to get the kids. House after house, either the kids were gone, or waiting to be picked up by family. All the kids that day were going to see their dads. You see, in my bus route of about 20 homes there was not one single father in the household. At least one of the dads was in jail for murdering a family member, in an argument over the wife. One of the dads was in jail for drug trafficking; a multiple time offender headed up for many years. The other men who I call "sperm donors" are the type of guy that waltz's in to a woman's life, has some kids, then finds another woman along the way. But, even a runaway dad would "demand" to see his kids on Father's Day.

Well, we brought back an empty bus that day, and I took the opportunity to go see Harold with my wife and kids and we had a dandy day. I visited the kids during the week to see how their day with dad was. I found out moms liked it the most; it was a big party day for the moms with the kids gone all day. I found that for a least two of my little girls, who I saw Sunday morning in beautiful matching dresses, new shoes, fresh hairdos, etc., waited all day for a dad who didn't show. Nice work, dad.

Most of the kids told of dads who pretty much just had them with him for the day, to take them back in the evening. But these kids were excited for the chance to see their dads. I didn't think the dads deserved this kind of devotion from these wonderful children. Then of course it dawned on me how much I missed my dad when he left, and how glad I was to see him. And it made me cry for these lovely little kids. They want so little from their dads, and receive even less.

Here's to the dads who stay. Here's to the dads who respect and love their wives, here's to the single dads, and the divorced dads who continue to be active parents to their children. Thanks, guys. In this world where the status of men as head of the household seems to decline daily, where clumsy Tim the Tool Man Taylor and Bumbling Mr. Berenstain (sp?)of the bear family along with all the single mom TV shows ( I love you Reba, but...) downplay a man's role in the household, you guys are standing up and standing tall. (Tough sentence above....read it slowly)

See, our sons need us to teach them how to be men, including how to respect women. Our daughters need us to learn how to respect themselves for who they are and to look out for the boys who are bad news. My sister has struggled at times in life due to a strained relationship with our dad; including, I believe, helping cause her divorce. Her son has struggled at times due to a similar strained relationship with his dad.

I am proud to be blessed with a wife of almost 31 years, and two (adult) children who have both graduated from Michigan State (Go Green!), she with a Master's Degree in Civil Engineering, he with a Bachelor's Degree and headed for law school. I'm not the smartest, most successful, richest, best-looking guy in the world. I'm a dad who loves and respects his wife, and has made family the single most important part of life after faith. And if you don't think the Lord has made a positive impact in our household, you're fooling yourself.

Moms, we love you, too.

See you next time...Happy Father's Day.

Hello again. Here is post number two and I promise not to start each post with a number update. Anyway, I was in church this past Sunday, and the pastor was talking about the woman who came in to a fancy dinner party that one of the religious big wigs threw. Jesus was invited, along with the guy's (Simon) best buddies and most of his influential associates.

Jesus had quite a reputation by this time, and I think Simon was trying to show off that he could get Jesus to his place. Sort of like if you invited Tom Cruise or Regis or somebody to dinner, and then invited everybody else you know would be impressed or those you are trying to impress. (Okay, maybe not Regis, but certainly Oprah).

Anyway, while they're all hanging around eating, drinking and full of themselves, this woman comes in. Everybody in the room seemed to know this woman had a past. Apparently either she or her reputation got around. Well, she went right to where Jesus was reclining. She was crying this whole time, and actually washed His feet with her tears and wiped them with her long hair. Then she took some very expensive "perfume" and poured it on Jesus' feet.

Well, Simon and the other folks were THINKING "if He knew who she was and what she's done, He wouldn't be allowing her to do that." These uptight socialites were appalled, but no one SAID anything. So then Jesus answers their thoughts by saying, "Simon, if two men owed a debt to a man, one owed much more than the other, and the man canceled (forgave) each one's debt, who would love him more?" Well, Simon answered, "the one who owed more". Bingo! (That's me, not Jesus).

Jesus went on to tell Simon that the woman had come in and washed his feet, kissing them and wiping them with her hair. Jesus reminded Simon that he had not offered water for foot-washing (a custom back then), nor greeted Him with a kiss. He went on to tell Simon, "the one who has been forgiven for much loves much, but the one who has been forgiven little loves little." See, Simon was looking for a headliner for his show, not someone who was sincere, true and loving. Simon was looking for a dinner show, "try the veal, folks, Jesus will be here all week with a matinee on Sunday."

Two things, here. One, Jesus tells the guy, "Look, you figure as a religious leader you're all set and don't need to worry about any heaven-type of stuff or forgiveness, because you figure you don't do anything wrong. But, the ones who know they've been wrong and look for forgiveness are the ones who are on the right track.." Jesus was always tough on those religious guys but the folks who desired a relationship with Him, (mostly those who realized they'd been screwing up a lot in their lives), he loved much.

The second thing, as the Pastor pointed out Sunday, was the woman's attitude. She was not afraid to look crazy or be branded a foolish, shameless woman of ill-repute by those socialites as she went to Jesus. She knew who He was. She wasn't looking for Tiger Woods(perhaps one of the only "women with a past" who could say that) or Lawrence Taylor or Charlie Sheen, she was looking for love from the One who would forgive her and set her free from her past. It didn't matter what people were going to say, she knew what she had to do and did it.

Now, here was a woman who had some ups and downs in life. She chose the one way she could be forgiven, she chose to love much the One who could forgive her, and allow her to start again with a clean slate. How about you? You've had some times you'd just as soon forget? Skeletons in your closet that keep jumping out to remind you they are there? The woman those many years ago knew where to go. Jesus is always there to help you through those ups and downs. Let me know what you think.

Introduction

Hi!

Welcome to Fox's UPS N downs. You see, not only does life have it's little challenges, the ups and downs of any particular day, but I sell elevators. No, not the 1oo feet per minute glass and steel rocket ships flying up dozens of stories. I sell residential elevators, small commercial elevators and barrier-free lifts, like the kind that lift a wheelchair up to a porch or the stairway chairlifts (like the one that shot the old lady through the roof in the movie "Gremlins").

My job is one of dealing with architects trying to fit square elevators into round holes, builders who build angled elevator shafts instead of plumb and straight, and individuals who have physical disabilities and require mechanical help to access their homes.

Many times these individuals pass away relatively soon after getting this accessibility. Those are the real downers. Sometimes you get a chance in a short time to develop relationships with people whose spirits are beyond belief. You know, the people who make lemons out of lemonade. These are people who have terminal neuro-muscular diseases, such as ALS, people who have suffered amputations, catastrophic injuries in auto accidents, and the like. Many times they lift up my spirits with their positive view of their lives and their desire to participate in life as much as they can every day.

When you've had a bad day because of a rotten commute, a failed test, a bad latte', imagine an 18-year old accident victim who actually needs physical assistance to have a bowel movement. Imagine watching that person talk to at-risk youth about choices in life and personal consequences from such choices. And watch in amazment as those youth hang on every word of this quadripeligic accident victim who chose to stop being a victim as he makes his way through the crowd with a "sip and puff" control for a powered wheelchair. Amazing.

So hopefully, I can pass along some personal experiences, personal opinion, first-hand and "borrowed" stories to share with you along the way. Hopefully this will be a place where you can share a bad day, or a bad life and how you are working to make it better. I'll offer some tried and true advice I've picked up along the way, too.

I'm new to blogging but I've always liked shooting off my mouth, so this is a great forum for all of us who have opinions, who love to share, or just try to show off I suppose. You know, all of us have good days and bad days. Whether anyone else in the world ever reads this blog it doesn't matter. It's a great way to vent, pontificate, share and spew.

I do hope to be able to update at least weekly. I also plan on designing a more personalized page rather than this pre-set choice. Next time I'll complete my introduction and begin the real spewing.