A chair named Bruno, padded bras and other stuff

So here I am again, in front of the old laptop. I'm listening, by the way, to Kenny Wayne Shepherd "Live In Chicago", "10 Days Out Blues from the Backroads", Joe Bonamassa, "Live from Nowhere In Particular", and Walter Trout "Common Ground" on the old fashioned 5-disc CD Player. I enjoy music, but as I've aged (more like a stinky cheese than a fine wine, I might add), I have really connected with blues music. From Hubert Sumerlin, Johnny Lee Hooker, Cootie Stark, Honeyboy Edwards, Robert Johnson,and more, these old school blues men and the new school face-melting guitar blues of Kenny Wayne, Joe B, Walter Trout, Larry McCray have me hooked.

My son and I checked out Joe Bonamassa a week ago Monday at the DeVos Performance Center in Grand Rapids. Two-hours and twenty minutes of music. I was exhausted, Joe musta been beat. He talked for maybe 2 minutes total and played almost the entire rest of the time. While he has a unique style not necessarily totally blues, the blues are his roots,and he rocks his roots. Kenny Wayne Shepherd is probably the most commercially known here in the States, just an amazing talent. I then took my wife to see Walter Trout, and not only did he melt our faces, he lit our hair on fire, and is an EXTREMELY nice gentleman in person. This aging, pot-bellied blues guitar maestro (looks like an old biker) is a story-teller in song and a spleen-disengaging guitar virtuoso.

Anyway, we saw Walter Trout at a bar in suburban Detroit, Callaghan's. 200 people packed the place for a guy who draws thouands in Europe. For any of us who grew up with the "guitar gods" of the rock era, the new "guitar kings" are screamin the blues. And Walter stayed to greet anyone who wanted to come by and say hello. Cool. Check 'em out on You Tube or on their websites. And have a wet towel handy to put your hair out when it bursts into flames.

So that was the other stuff. The chair named Bruno is actually some of the mobility equipment I sell. This company, started by a parapelegic, the late Mike Bruno Sr. makes lifts to get scooters and wheelchairs in vehciles, turning seats that help people with disabilities enter and exit their vehicles, along with the mobility type equipment; stair lifts and wheelchair lifts.

Anyway, Bruno flew several dealers in from specific areas of the country to check out thier new stairlift prototype to get our feedback. I can't give you any details, of course because I am sworn to secrecy, but they've done a nice job providing help for folks who can't walk up and down the stairs. Mike Bruno Jr. now runs the company, and he has a disabled daughter who also uses the equipment Bruno manufactures.

Padded Bras? Yes, of course I heard the outrage as Abercrombie and Fitch, I believe, once again is encouraging young women to act like porn stars or maybe Courtney Cobain (sp?). They have in their catalog little girl bikinis for the 8 and up set with padded bras. Really? If any mom (include dad and grandma here) buys her daughter this bikini I have to ask, "why?" Lo these many years from the explosion of the feminist movement in the 1970's the biggest issue for women has been their exploitation and being perceived as "nothing but sexual objects"; except for maybe Rosanne Barr and Rosie O'Donnell. Hmmmm, how many other Rosies' are out there?

So, of course feminists won't speak out because it is certainly a woman's choice to pad her bra, even at age 8. We don't want the possibility of some 15 year old dreamy surfer boy walking by our daughters without enticing cleavage exposed to ensure said surfer boy will try to have his hands under that padded bra momentarily. You know, I just don't see why mothers and even more scarily, grandmothers want to "sex up" their children and grandchildren. Quit, already! I'm sure the pageant moms are lining up to get their little pageant princess the new enhanced bikini. Frankly it disgusts and horrifies me.

If you were to look in the Bible, 'cause I'm too lazy to figure out where it is, you would see an entry that talks about women who put on too much make-up and jewelry. The passage compares that to, basically, painting a pig. Are we encouraging our young girls, our young CHILDREN to grow up as painted pigs? Hey mom! Do you measure your make-up in brush strokes or gallons? Just asking.

Think back for one moment, back to when you were a teen. Which girls did the guys look at with lecherous desire? You are correct! The girl with major exposed (and/or enhanced) cleavage, copious amounts of make-up, the shortest skirts, hip-huggiest pants, halter tops and of course, cut-off jean shorts that makes the English term "cheeky" mean something quite entirely different. Is that a good thing? Do you as parents aspire for your daughters a life of being a sex-symbol? Do you want your daughter to be J-Wow or Snooki or Kendra Wilkenson? Is the money and fame more important than self-respect and decency? I'm betting on money and fame with many of you; I would hope deceny and self-respect.

"Bring up our children in the way they should go, and when they are older, they will not wander far from it." That's a Bible thing, too. As Pastor Mike O'Mire would say, "Bring up your children according to their talents, desires and passions, not yours, and they will be happy and productive." I paraphrase both the bible verse and Pastor O'Mire's words, but you get it.

I trust you will let your sons and daughters know they were made in the image of our Heavenly Father. That He has made no "bad people". There are people who let themselves be led off the path. There are those whose parents will encourage such a lifestyle as to really curse their children, basically creating a poisonous lifestyle for their kids to emulate.

You know, it only takes a moment of thought to make a wise decision versus one that is unwise. I truly believe we all have the ability to make the wise decision, every time, if we think, consider, and pray. Here's to parents who, even if they don't believe in God, provide a safe, comfortable, decent, thoughtful household for their children, and God Bless You all. Thanks.

Christmas, Oprah, and Stuff

So it's February and I haven't posted since December. I drive around the State of Michigan a lot and drive by a lot of churches. As January 1 turned into late January, I was irritated by a slew of signs in front of churches.

"Join us for Christmas Eve Services"
"Join us for Advent Services"
"Celebrate Christmas with us"

"All right", I think, "Who is the dumbell in charge of changing the sign? Man it's almost Ground Hog day, and they're still pushing Christmas". So then I remember a story of my own...

Our church is in an area that is close to Woodward Avenue, site of the annual Woodward Dream Cruise, where thousands of classic cars assemble for a week of fun. Actually, it's a single Saturday in August, but lasts about a week or more. So, the church puts on a Cruise Fest party with inflatables, bands, food, games, etc. Well, of course the sign outside the church says, "Join Us for Cruise Fest August.." So, here comes September, and I'm driving by the church, and the August Cruise Fest sign is still up. Now,we've past Labor Day, the kids are back in school and the leaves are beginning to turn....but the August Cruise Fest sign is still up!

I decide, being a good Christian and model congregant, to call the church and say, "Hey! We got three pastors, a couple of secretaries and you think somebody could change the sign?" Except when Pastor Jennifer answered, God spoke for me or something, and what came out was, "Hey, do you guys need help changing the sign out front?" So, from that September until a heart attack a year later, I was the dumbell changing the sign. See it's easy to point out faults, but tough to commit to help fix them. I sure didn't want to do that sign, but it was a way to quietly serve the Lord and our church. No fanfare, no glamour job, just change the sign.

So as I passed another "Christmas Eve Service 11:00 PM" in that late January morning, another thought crossed my mind. "I should just call every church that hasn't changed their sign and ask if they need help." So today, I'm changing four dozen church signs regularly around the Detroit Metro area.....NO, I'm not. That's a lie. What did come to mind was how cool it would be if everyone of us would get up every morning and remember Christmas, every day, all year around.

NO,not just the presents,food and stress, but the love of a God who decided to come not in pomp and circumstance, but humbly, to show people His humanity and true nature. Not just figgy pudding and spiked egg nog, but the understanding that each Christmas brings us closer to His return (probably not May 21, 2011 but you never know).

Oh, about Oprah. I was on a sales trip and finished my day a bit early. I turned on the TV in my hotel room, and there's Oprah in Australia handing out some kind of huge pearl necklace to everybody in the audience. They were excited of course. And thenI thought if all these Oprahites would be as excited to see Jesus if he was "only" promising peace, hope, love and eternity in the presence of the Father. Then I wondered if He'd have to give everyone a car, or an Oscar goodie-bag.

Try spreading hope today, a little love and creating peace where you are today....and Merry Christmas.

He's coming when?

So I was reading a Detroit Free Press article about a Christian group announcing that Jesus will return in May, 2011(http://www.freep.com/article/20101204/NEWS05/12040397/1319). Well, as one who not only believes in but trusts in Jesus,I think it's great. However, I see a major flaw in this announcement.

See, Jesus Himself told His disciples that nobody knows the time of His coming except the Father. Jesus also spoke of the time when people would claim that Jesus is over there, or over here, or whatever. He said don't listen to them, because when He does come again, there would be no doubt as to His coming, it will be as visible as lightning is from east to west. There will be no mistaking His coming as swamp gas or a UFO or weather balloon. No doubt.

Jesus also told everyone not to worry so much about when He is coming but to worry about what they were doing in His Name for others. Basically He told everyone to stay busy and do the things Jesus would want them to do, including telling others about His love for them. He wanted them and wants us today to serve others and share the love of God with others.

If I tell you I know when Christ will return, you will know I'm full of...you know. If I tell you I don't know when, but it could be any day and it could be one hundred years, well, then I'm more in line with biblical truth.

All I know is, I won't try to scare anyone into heaven. But I will do my best to love them to Jesus, and let Him take over from there. And when He does come again in person, hopefully it will be to joyously join all those who trust in Him, serve others in His Name, and try their best to be more like Him.

I think Jesus will come when God says "it's time". I would like to be ready, by being obedient to Him. I would like everyone to be ready, trusting in Him, and letting Him show us the Way, the Truth and the Life that He announced Himself to be.

Now,Jesus could well come next May, don't get me wrong. But anyone who claims to know the exact time is fooling you and themselves. Trust in the Lord, not in men. Not even me.

I think some of the problems we have in the US is that many people decide if they're going to follow HLN or Fox and whatever is said on the broadcasts is the truth. Look for the truth, look at both sides, look at what is real versus what is proclaimed. Look to the bible, it will refute what the billboards proclaim. If they're talking about Jesus, they're not speaking for Him. Look to Jesus, He's the truth. See you soon.

Yes, Virginia, there is an Obama Gas

The new picture on the blog is a real gas station in Detroit, Mi. I have no idea if the President gets a piece of the action or if this is just Capitalism at it's best. This is a predominately African American neighborhood. I guess play to your audience, right? I thought it was great, no political comment here. With the movie industry in Michigan, at first I thought it was a movie set. But, no, real gas station. Cool. Insert your own joke, thought,comment, etc.

Speaking of gas; had the best Thanksgiving dinner ever this year. Really, best food I ever had. Cudos to two Brothers-in-Law, a Sister-in-Law and Mother-in-Law. Great work. I cleaned up, both figuratively with dinner and literally after dinner. Good times with my wife's family in Chicago.

Ahh,family. As the years go on, many of us only see family on certain holidays, weddings and funerals. My cousin Marilyn just emailed us because her daughter is getting married. Her surname is from a first marriage. So my cousin thought it important, and rightly so, to "warn" us about an invitation we might not recognize. Families shouldn't have to do that. We should know each other and try to keep our families in our circle of friends.

As the years go on, I find myself drawn more to family. All my aunts and uncles are deceased, save my mom's sisters husband, Uncle Joe. Some of my older cousins have passed away. The heritage, stories and traditions of my mom's and dad's families are fading away and most of us have done a lousy job of making sure our children,grandchildren, etc. get to know their own family history.

My Cousin Charlene has done a genealogy of my Father's side of the family and has contacted many of our relatives I didn't even know we had. My cousin Jari has been in touch with family in Finland, from my Mom's side. I give them great credit in their diligence to history and family. Thank you.

With the Christmas/Chanukkah/Holiday Seasons among us, we always hear how this time of year has more suicides than any other times of the year (with the exception, I believe of the Dancing with the Stars Finale). Many people suffer deep depression and suffer from stress and anxiety disorders either due to feeling of loneliness and loss or trying to be the "perfect holiday host", have the "perfect Christmas" and the like.

I guess there are two things I'd like to pass along. The first is that Christmas is a time to remember the birth of Jesus Christ. It's important to know, too, that even as the shepherds and Magi and others rushed to a "barn" to see the coming of the Christ, we now should be celebrating Christmas looking forward to His return. Enjoy the lights, the tree, yes even the gifts. But look to the One who makes this season truly a Holy time, Jesus Christ. If you get to know Him, He will fill that empty spot in your heart, He can heal your physical, mental and spiritual pain and lead you to true peace. (This isn't the hand-shaking "peace be with you" in church peace, this is realPeace of Christ type of stuff).

The second thing is to put less pressure on yourself to make the holidays anything more than a celebration of God and Family. The amount of stuff doesn't matter, the amount of love does. You do realize that Martha Stewart has all kinds of helpers, housekeepers, production assistants and the like to make her house look like a Christmas movie set. You can't do all that yourself. Make this season about love. Jesus loves you, heck, I love you. If you put yourself out there in love, you'll find love back. A phone call, a simple greeting card or your physical presence is better than any store-bought gift, rum cake or gift card.

Don't risk being alone. Keep in touch with family and celebrate your love for each other. At least two of the women in my family are having issues with their adult sons. Even if they don't return your love, let them know you love them by making the calls, sending the cards, being as much a part of their life as they allow. Keep in touch with Jesus, as His love is true and everlasting. If you have Jesus, He can fill your lonely heart or your worried mind, indeed. See, we can only love because God first loved us, that is clear from the bible. He created love, loves you like a favorite child and desires, with arms open,to have you come to Him. God is a gentleman; He won't force Himself on you. But for those who desire Him, "seek and you'll find". He's as close as you want Him to be. And His biggest desire for us is that we come to Him. He, too, is the One who can make what is impossible for man (people) very possible indeed.

Here is to a LOVE-ly Christmas season, a LOVE-ly Chanukkah and whatever else you celebrate. But take time to look for Jesus, His wonderful birth, His redeeming life and death, and His return one day. And, if you're traveling east of the Southfield Freeway on Joy Road in Detroit, check out Obama Gas. What if one day Presidential elections just came down to having all the candidates names on various gas stations. The candidate who's named stations pump the most gas wins. Might be fun....Romney Gas, Palin Gas, Clinton Gas, Paul Gas...

Keeping Busy

So, it's been a while. Every time I thought about writing something down I lost the muse, or something. So, the world has been spared another several blog postings. Probably a good thing.

Anyway, I'm reading my bible the other day, through the book of Exodus. Second book of the bible, old testament stuff; Moses, the 10 Commandments, all kinds of stuff. You know, the first time Moses went up on the mountain to meet with God, he was up there 40 days. God gave him the commandments at that time and some other important info.

Now, this is the same God who rescued the Jews from the Egyptian rule, poured out plagues on the land that did not affect the Hebrews, locust, frogs, gnats, darkness,etc. Then the final sign as Pharoah refused to let the Hebrews go; striking dead the firstborn in the nation of Egypt, man and animal.

This is the same God who directed the Egyptians to give their valuables to the Jews as they left Egypt. The same God who parted the Red Sea so the Jews could cross as if on dry land, then causing the water to wash over the Egyptian soldiers who tried to follow.

This is the God who blazed a trail for His people with a cloud during the day and a great pillar of fire at night, so the people led by Moses would follow. Then, Moses heads up the mountain for 40 days. While he speaks with God, the Hebrew people started partying, even making a gold calf idol to worship. They forgot about the God who led them to freedom and the man God sent to them in under 40 days.

So God dispenses judgement on the Hebrews, many people die. Moses smashes the tablets containing the commandments and basically talks God out of destroying the people. Another couple of tablets later, some repentence, and the Hebrews were saved by God's grace.

Now, God then gave very specific rules about building a tent of meeting that would be where God would hang out when the Hebrews would take a break from their travel to the promised land, Israel. He gave very specific orders on how to construct everything, how to make the robes for the priests, the rules for various ways how to minister in the temple. In the next book, Leviticus, God lays down some real specific rules, designed to keep people safe and healthy, both physically and spiritually.

We sometimes look at rules and regulations as hinderances to our freedoms, keeping us from fully enjoying our lives. I think God looks at them much differently. He gave specific instructions because He knows if left to our own desires, we're making idols out of gold, out of possessions, jobs, relationships, that end up separating us from Him.

God's rules weren't designed to hold us back. They were designed as ways to help us to remember to rely on Him. As we walk through life, we sometimes feel empty even in times of great wealth. We sometimes feel helpless, alone, or just simply "unfulfilled". Some of us deal with chronic health issues, poverty, addictions, and can't figure out why. "If God is love, why is there war, sickness and death?"

Well,let me give you my opinion. If we look at God as a quick fix, a Dr. Phil of the spiritual air waves, we're missing the boat. See, in the rules God desires us to try them out, to try Him out. As we are obedient to Him, He then knows we're serious about enjoying a relationship with Him, not just using Him as some kind of spiritual Santa Claus or other-wordly John Wayne bringing the cavalry to rescue you before it's too late.

Interestingly enough, God saw that for some reason most of us, if left to our own devices, will walk away from God. So He did send the cavalry, His son Jesus Christ. Jesus came to show us God's true nature, while as a man, he was prone to the same temptations and weaknesses of us all. Being obedient to God, He didn't follow the path of the calf-makers and self-worshipers. He stayed obedient,even taking God's punishment for sin upon Himself for all of us. He, as a sinless, blameless, spotless perfect one gave His life up so that we don't have to take God's punishment for everything we've done our way instead of His way.

It's not enough to say you believe in God, most people say that. The real way is to accept that there is one way to the Father, and that is by acccepting who Jesus is and really asking Him to lead you through this life to the next one. If the Isrealites had stayed obedient, many thousands would not have died, they would have taken a trip of about 11 days instead of 40 years in the wilderness.

What is your wilderness today? Is it lost in a mountain of debt, family troubles, or a situation that you can't seem to fix by yourself? It's time to look to the God who loves you so much He died for you. Father, Son and Holy Spirit our God is one. The one. If there are many Gods there are no Gods. If there are many ways to heaven, there is no real heaven. If the afterlife is something you have created in your mind, with your sense of "fairness" or "tolerance" you're missing out on a great opportunity to know the one who makes the rules, not to burden you with rules, but allow you to be free in this life and the next through His son Jesus Christ. He who the son sets free is free indeed.

God's Kingdom is kind of backwards compared to our thoughts sometimes. He says "obey" and you'll be free. He says "give" and it will be given to you. He has told us we only can love because he first loved us, even dying for us. Try this backwards kingdom for yourself; be obedient and be free; give to others, and see what you receive, love others, and feel His love. God Bless you all.

Venti or Grande?

So I sit here at a Starbucks in Plymouth, Mi between sales appointments. Mine is a Grande Decaf Americano, by the way, no room for cream. As I sit here sipping, I am also enjoying the parade of folks visiting the coffee shop on a 90-degree plus day with amazing humidity (the people do not have amazing humidity, the weather is humid).

Now, many of us are drinking hot beverages. There are the majority, though, with various varieties of iced tea, iced coffee, and of course the frozen concoction which has surpassed cocaine and even scotch, the famed Frappucino, (make mine a caramel mocha frappucino(sp?). Wow! These people who turn up their nose at a McDonald's milk shake or 7-11 Slurpee are lined up waiting for their frozen specialties like it's free government cheese or something. And they're laying out about $4.00 a pop! Ahhh, America.

Then I thought of last night's US Open Tennis ceremonies. Many tennis legends were marched out, fireworks were sent up into the night sky, and tennis luminaries from around the globe marveled at the site. It's tennis, folks. There's a continuing (worsening?) recession, two wars, a continuing housing meltdown, and we're in line for $4.00 coffees, tennis tickets costing hundreds, perhaps thousands, while we blog, Facebook, Twitter and the like.

We have the Tea Party, we have "psuedo tea-parties" here in Michigan set up by Democrats trying to confuse the voters, we have November elections coming up which will either bring the American Government either more toward the center or keep it careening down the path labeled either "enlightened" or "socialism" depending on your views. Although I must say, I heard a story about a free health clinic set up in New Orleans at the Convention Center. The organizer said the large turnout shows the need for health care in this area. Well, tell 'ya the truth, if I was there, I'd go for free and circumvent my deductible or office charge if I could.

I'd think there would be many hundreds of people here in the Starbucks if they were giving away frozen caramel whatzits, too. See, free is good. People like free. Except someone's gotta pay for the stuff that is given out for free. Starbucks is paying their employees and paying for all the stuff they would give out. It has a cost and someone's got to bear it. In this case, the business takes the cost. With free health care, free cell phones, free cable service, free food, the working taxpayers foot the bill. This money is not magically created, it comes from all the people working who can afford a $4.00 frozen luxury or a $500.00 tennis ticket and who have been paying for housing bailouts, bank bailouts, wars and the rest.

I fear our nation is leaning toward being taken care of by the government rather than work toward the "American Dream"...There are jobs out there, you just gotta be willing to make less than $80,000.00 a year. There was a time in my life I worked multiple jobs to make ends meet. Maybe more of us just have to consider it. I fear too many people want the $4.00 coffee while they're out of work and want me to pay for it. I'll go for the $1.00 Tim Horton's coffee, I'll even throw in the odd fruit explosion muffin, okay?

I would not want to be out of work. I would not want to face losing my home. I never leveraged my home far beyond what it would ever be worth, I did not buy a half-million dollar home with income more deserving of a mobile home. I did not think I "deserved" a house in the Dominican Republic, a time-share in Boca and a boat the size of the USS Enterprise in addition to my family home.

We as a nation must begin to support our businesses, yes even Starbucks. (How come 80% of every Honda, Subaru, Toyota, etc. have Obama stickers on them? Really. The party of the union worker buys imported, sometimes non-union, stuff. Who's shopping at Wal-Mart (China Mart)? Let's encourage business people to make stuff here, and support them with "right to work" legislation versus the very socialist "closed shops". Let's not think we're working for the "union", but appreciate the corporation that is writing the checks...

Last thing. I'm listening to the radio. Some guy is calling in and saying how Chrysler is forcing the union to take only $14.00 per hour instead of $30.00 for new hires or they would send the jobs to Mexico. He also stated how the UNION provided for his family, his dad and he worked for the UNION (at Chrysler) all their adult lives and how the UNION provided the money that allowed the family to buy a restaurant and employ people and make a better life for themselves. The radio show host had to remind the man that Chrysler provided the jobs and the money. If there was no Chrysler, there would be no union jobs. We also found out that their restaurant employees were non-union and the highest paid employee made less than $14.00 per hour, and had to pay for a large percentage of their healthcare. HMMMMMM....

Sorry for the rant, just went off in a few directions. A good rant can be fun...just a bit disjointed however.

I would encourage everyone to look at God as the Great Provider. His son Jesus gave everything for you and me. He tells us not to worry about what we will eat or wear, 'cause God even provides food for the animals of the earth and the glorious splendor of flowers. If he provides for them, will He not provide for us? God might not fulfill all your wants, but He loves you and wants to fulfill your NEEDS. Have faith, Love God, Love others, Pray to the One who is waiting for your words, in Jesus' Name, Amen. (And have the occasional frozen caramel whatzit).

No Nudes is Good Nudes?

If a blog is posted and nobody reads it, does it count? I suppose if posted via wireless the message travels out of Earth's atmosphere into space. There, I suppose it travels throughout the universe, reaching farther and farther into space, where finally it is collected by some giant radio telescope. There, I suppose even further, some race of people excitedly announce that they have received messages from far beyond their own universe. Then, a green-skinned, hairless being in a lab coat says, "Zalmanju waakuu mahpasi fuurtuu, lurtuu, grnsnazzle." This roughly translates to, "Nah, just another blog. No porn for once, though."

How much broadcast porn is being viewed by other-wordly beings? If they look like us, do they think it's art and not porn? You know, I visit the Detroit Institute of Art from time to time,www.dia.org, makes me feel "metropolitan", plus I like the pictures. (You must refrain, of course, while at the from even mouthing the word "picture" and voice only words such as "works", "masterpiece", "illuminating", "transformational" and stuff like that, less "they" think you're a boob).

So on any trip to the DIA, you end up in the sculptures area, where you stand in the middle of a bunch of naked people. This of course is art, unless you try to display it anywhere else but an art institute. Anywhere else and people would say, "What's with all the naked people?"

I look at these "works" (some even transformational works) and I think, "If the people then could see us now. These works were all probably rich guy's porn stash and a thousand years or so later, they're works of art". Seriously, there was no Playboy Rome or Penthouse Athens in those days, and we know perverts like Nero and Caligula were around. Roman orgies are the stuff of legend.

So, as I walk through the displays of naked women, naked men, naked cherubs, multiple naked people, etc., I'm thinking, "porn". You can tell me all you want about the artist's desire to capture the wonderful form of the human body, and I'll answer with, "What, they couldn't put a loincloth on this guy? You really gotta show it all? You can't modestly drape a sash or design clever use of hands, props, etc. to cover a bit of this lady?"

After many years of traveling through the DIA and other art collections, it finally hit me this past year. Most all this stuff was created for Hugh Hefner's early relatives. Let's face it; with no internet, cable or pay-per-view, where else would a pervert get a naked fix? I know many of you just think I'm Larry the Cable Guy's relative or something based on this, but next time you go, think of it. Most of these statues were not displayed publicly at the time of their creation. They were commissioned by someone for a private residence or estate, or happened to be the buxom girlfriend of the artist. "C'mon, baby, it's art, it's not like it's dirty or anything and only you and I will see it". Then the guy sells it to some Roman perv who shows it off like it's Paris Hilton's sex tape or something. Really!

Anyway, I hope I haven't ruined art for you. And I hope that any of my Christian friends don't excommunicate me because of this. But you gotta admit, the more you think about this stuff, the harder it is to think "art" and the easier it is to think "porn". Of course this has nothing to do with my collection of Roman Nudes dating back to the Sophia Loren era.

Here's to good-natured laughs, an attempt at some fun, and may even a new truth to consider. God did, after all, create humor, I suppose. And I will find out one day if He considered this in good humor, or good taste. See you next time.

EJ